Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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