who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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