I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
