I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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