and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
