Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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