honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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