so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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