I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
