I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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