My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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