can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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