Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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