Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
