somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
