i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
