YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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