Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
