I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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