How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
