I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
