I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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