I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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