What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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