how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
