pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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