drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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