I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize