I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
