Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
