It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
