U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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