You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
