i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
