chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
