Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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