Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
