I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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