puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
