I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
