dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
