Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
