so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize