Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
