A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
