Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
