I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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