Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
