the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
