it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found the puke drawer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize