thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
