He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
