P.S. I can't hear my feet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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