Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
