So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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