That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
