Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
