seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
