my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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