i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize