if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
