i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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