just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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