It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
