obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
