Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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