i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
