im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
