I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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