Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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