I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
