hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nicole vs. Life
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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