Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize