The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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