so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
