i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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