hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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