my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
