My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
