mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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