the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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